<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>a catharsis and closure by seijhoes</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29070099">a catharsis and closure</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/seijhoes/pseuds/seijhoes'>seijhoes</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Catharsis, I would say a Reiner character study but this is just self indulgence, M/M, Reiner is free man, im sorry if anyone has done this already?, spoilers up to chapter 136</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 09:22:37</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,844</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29070099</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/seijhoes/pseuds/seijhoes</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>“Well, just deal with it, because that’s what you’re getting!” Marco playfully punched his shoulder, starting to walk. “Come on, everyone is waiting for you.”</p><p>He blinked, reluctantly starting to follow. “Everyone? Meaning..?”</p><p>He turned around and smiled at him. “I mean everyone.”</p><p>(Reiner never thought he'd have the chance to see everyone who he let down or disappointed after death, but sometimes (after)life throws you a bone)</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>(very minor tho) - Relationship, Reiner Braun/Bertolt Hoover</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>66</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>a catharsis and closure</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>so, as I said in the tags, I have no idea if someone's written this before, and if so I'm sorry! I just think it'd be neat if Reiner got to just see everyone he'd ever met in his life and get that closure for disappointing them. This is more recent, up to chapter 136 in the manga, so if you don't want manga/s4 anime spoilers look away!! If that doesn't bother you, then continue and enjoy :3 Also, on another note, I was trying to decide whether or not Paths should be some sort of after-life? but I thought it would work better as sort of the in-between stop (plus this isn't canon so it doesn't matter)</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The first thing that Reiner noticed when he woke up were the multiple streaks of light above his head. </p><p>He picked up a handful of the ground he was laying on, and it ran through his fingers effortlessly. Sand, except it wasn’t rough and course, but rather soft, and it didn’t stick to him when he sat up. There wasn’t anyone around, and when he looked in front of him he saw what looked like a big tree trunk, and multiple branches branching off from it. He’d been here before, briefly, when they had all begged Eren to stop the Rumbling, but now that it was just him here, he had time to take it all in.</p><p>This was Paths.</p><p>Reiner couldn’t really piece together what had happened before he arrived here, or rather he couldn’t really remember. It was all very fuzzy, and came in flashes here and there. They were still fighting Eren, he remembered that much, but as for what happened to him, was still just a blur. He laid back down and looked at the sky above him, the greens and blues mesmerizing him. He felt a tear escape him, and then another, and another, until his body wracked with loud, ugly sobs that if anyone had been around him, he would have definitely been embarrassed about. But, as far as he saw, there was no one. </p><p>He couldn’t decide what he was crying for, guilt that he had left all his comrades behind to fend off this threat on their own, or relief, because damn it, he was finally free. Free of the nightmare that was his life, and free of all the burdens and guilt he carried with him for years.</p><p>Eventually, those tears turned into laughter, and soon he was laughing joyfully into the nothingness of Paths. God, he must have looked like some sort of lunatic. But he was free, god, finally he was free.</p><p>His eyes grew heavy, and before he succumbed to sleep, his last thought was who would get the Armored Titan next, since Gabi didn’t get to eat him and take it from him. Somehow though, he couldn’t find it in him to care.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>***</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>When Reiner woke again, he wasn’t met with the starry skies and streaks of light in paths, but rather a bright blue sky, with not a cloud in sight. Instead of the soft sand that surrounded him before, there was grass that tickled his arms and face, and the light from the sun was warm on his face. This wasn’t Paths, so where was it?</p><p>“Reiner? You awake man?”</p><p>His eyes widened as he shot up, looking around. He knew that voice, it was a voice that haunted him for years, even after returning to Marley.</p><p>
  <em>“We haven’t even had a chance to talk this over!”</em>
</p><p>Reiner was met with the smiling face of Marco Bodt, just as he remembered him, except he was completely whole, unlike the last time they saw each other.</p><p>“Good to see you man! Well, I wish it weren’t under these circumstances.” He chuckled and got up, offering his hand to him. “But good to see you nonetheless.”</p><p>Reiner took his hand and stood up, feeling tears pricking at his eyes. “M-Marco, I-I… I can’t even tell you how sorry I am-”</p><p>Marco shook his head, his smile never faltering. “Do I look mad to you? Reiner, I was never angry at you, confused, yes, disappointed that my life was cut short? Sure, but… Never angry, not with you, or Bertholdt or Annie, I understand that I was just at the wrong place at the wrong time.”</p><p>Reiner shook his head, tears beginning to slide down his cheeks. “Y-You shouldn’t have had to pay for it with your life, I have no idea what I was thinking, fuck-”</p><p>“But look at what came out of it.” He beamed. “Jean became the leader that I knew he could be, though I didn’t really expect him to join the Scout Regiment, but he’s accomplished so much, and I'm so proud of him. You guys even managed to make up.” </p><p>“Yeah, beat the crap out of me first, but I deserved it.” He sighed loudly, shoving his hands in his pockets. “I deserve a lot of things, but your forgiveness and kindness definitely isn’t one of them.”</p><p>“Well, just deal with it, because that’s what you’re getting!” Marco playfully punched his shoulder, starting to walk. “Come on, everyone is waiting for you.”</p><p>He blinked, reluctantly starting to follow. “Everyone? Meaning..?”</p><p>He turned around and smiled at him. “I mean everyone.”</p><p>And he really did, Reiner saw lots of familiar faces; Mina, Thomas, Hannah and Franz, Captain Levi’s old squad, Commander Erwin and Commander Hanji, he really couldn’t believe it.</p><p>“Hey, Reiner!”</p><p>He felt a force hit him at full speed, and when he looked he saw it was none other than Sasha Blouse, who he found out died at the hands of his cousin, Gabi. Try as he might, he could never find anything that he disliked about Sasha, or any of the 104th group. They were his friends, and he had no problem admitting that, not now at least.</p><p>“Sasha, hey.” He gave her a smile and ruffled her hair. “Ah, I’m sorry, about Gabi..”</p><p>“Nah, no worries! She was just doing what she thought was right, we all were.” She shrugged it off and let go of him, grinning. “See ya around.”</p><p>“Vice Captain Braun!” Reiner was then met with two of a few he’d been anxiously waiting to see. Udo came full speed at him as well, while Zofia lagged a bit behind him, still smiling at him nonetheless. </p><p>He pulled them both into a bone crushing hug, tearing up again. “Hey guys, god I’m glad to see you.”</p><p>“Took you long enough, idiot.”</p><p>He looked up to see Porco, Marcel, Colt and Ymir standing behind the young warriors. Porco was staring at him with a look of disdain, while Marcel immediately joined in the group hug. </p><p>Reiner couldn’t think of any comeback, he just smiled at him. “Nice to see you too Porco, and Marcel, Colt, Ymir…”</p><p>Porco scoffed, his arms crossed over his chest. “Surprised you made it that far to begin with, only to get taken out when the fighting was getting good.”</p><p>“Well, Eren is batshit crazy, in case you didn’t notice.” Ymir scoffed. “Oi, Reiner… thanks, for getting that letter to Historia.”</p><p>He nodded, ruffling Udo’s hair. “It was the least I could do.”</p><p>“And thank you for keeping an eye on Falco, Reiner.” Colt smiled sadly. “I just… I wish I could have done better by him, protected him better, he should have never-”</p><p>“I know, Colt, I know.. But it isn’t your fault, not in the slightest, you did your best.”</p><p>Colt nodded, rubbing at his eyes furiously. “I-I know, I know.. Still, thank you.”</p><p>“Alright, enough tears.” Marcel beamed at Reiner, putting his hands on his shoulders. “I’m proud of you, Reiner, you really did come through at the end.”</p><p>Reiner sighed softly. “But, I’m the reason that-”</p><p>“Ah ah! What did that Marco kid say when you got here? You’re getting forgiveness whether you want it or not. By the way, he hasn’t seen-”</p><p>“Oh, yeah, where is he?” Colt looked around.</p><p>“Waiting for Reiner, duh.”</p><p>Reiner frowned. “Who?”</p><p>“Who do you think?” Ymir scoffed, pushing him away. “Like we said, he’s been waiting for you this whole time.”</p><p>He looked back as he walked away, the others in the group snickering and waving him off. Eventually, they faded from his sight, and it grew quieter without everyone bustling around. </p><p>And then he saw him.</p><p>His back was turned to him, but he knew right away. The figure was tall, and lean, and his hair was ruffled slightly in the breeze. He turned around, and Reiner nearly wept out of pure joy then and there.</p><p>Bertholdt smiled at him, giving him a slight wave. “Hey, Reiner.”</p><p>Immediately, he started moving towards him, at first a slow walk that turned quickly into a jog until he was running at him, scooping him off his feet as soon as he reached him. He still looked the same as the last time he saw him, healthy and absolutely beautiful. He sobbed into his chest, taking in the comforting, natural smell of pine that always seemed to cling to Bert. “Bertl, fuck, Bertl-”</p><p>Bertholdt started sniffling as well, Reiner feeling him nuzzling the top of his head. “I-I missed you Reiner…”</p><p>“I’m so fucking sorry Bert, I didn’t- I thought you’d be okay but I should have done something, I should have made Zeke and Pieck go back-” He stumbled over his words, still blubbering like a baby as he set him down.</p><p>He felt Bert cup his face and tilt his head upward, and was met with his smile, something that was a rarity for Bertholdt. “There wouldn’t have been anything you could’ve done… I was a goner the moment Armin thought of his plan, they outsmarted all of us.”</p><p>Reiner shrugged, leaning into his hands. “I never stopped thinking about you, never… I love you Bertl.”</p><p>He chuckled a bit at Bertholdt’s cherry red face, his heart swelling up with a fondness that was reserved for Bert and Bert alone. He supposed they had never had the chance to say it to each other, even though they both knew it and felt it. Reiner had planned to after they got home to Marley, but it didn’t quite work out that way. Now though, he could say it to him whenever he wanted.</p><p>Bertholdt smiled and pressed his forehead against Reiner’s. “I love you too Reiner, I’ve been waiting a while to say it.”</p><p>“Trust me, same here.” He smiled and cupped Bert’s face in his hands, pulling him down to press his lips to his.</p><p>This was much different than quick, stolen kisses when they were alone, or the long and heated ones they shared before the battle at Shiganshina. This was warm, and comforting, it held a different tone than the others. Before, it was almost like every kiss could be their last, but not here, not anymore.</p><p>Reiner pulled away, grinning at the goofy, dazed look on his lover’s face. “Pretty good huh?”</p><p>“Mm, mhm..” Bertholdt hummed, smiling at him. “You did so well Reiner…”</p><p>“What, with the kiss? I know.” He grinned cheekily.</p><p>Bertholdt laughed. “That, but I also meant before you came here… you persevered, and I’m so proud of you…”</p><p>He sighed softly. “I wanted to give up, a lot.. I just wanted to die, and rest, but now I feel like I haven’t done enough…”</p><p>“But you have, you’ve done everything you could.” He brushed his thumbs across Reiner’s cheeks, smiling. “And now you can rest, you’re finally at peace.”</p><p>Reiner smiled up at him, and then glanced behind him, where he knew everyone else was, and would be waiting for him.</p><p>“Yeah… I wouldn’t have it any other way.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>follow me on twt: seijhoe_</p></blockquote></div></div>
</body>
</html>